(normally, the knave has a set schedule for herself. these days there's been a....deviation, of sorts. during her stay within fontaine, she's begun to do something different than one might have expected of her. when furina was to take the stage, arlecchino would watch the schedule carefully. it took time to adjust into this new change of pace; gifts were left outside of her dressing room. each thoughtful and tender. care had been put into every single cake, or any plushie that would turn up on her door step from time to time. not a soul would say who brought such lovely things meant for their once archon. then again, they might have worried had they known or had they seen the person leaving them. the knave knows better than anyone that she is not welcomed, many of fontaine's good citizens were displeased by seeing she has yet to disappear from sight back to the tsaritsa who took her in.
or perhaps, she has more to do than little and simple things. maybe she might be putting it off, her departure that is, that's the hardest thing to tell. she did make a promise to monsieur neuvillette that she would no longer interfere with affairs there, that she would no longer carry out special operations. yet, there's a part of her that does not wish to leave just yet. a longing in that flame-cursed blood she carries, the heat of it strong and threatening to engulf her (if allowed) and those unfortunate to be on the receiving end of it. this flame would consume until nothing remains but ashes.
it does little to stop her longing, though. that idea that she could feel something beyond the nightmares and those dreams of others she once knew. the voices whispering as they make intrusive demands, desires, wants of their own. something as sweet as what she found herself imagining is not fit for her. it'd only be a burden upon her that she could never live without again. tonight was another night that would be no different than the others. what was left outside the dressing room this time was another gift, another set of them picked out in tender care before the knave left. another time not caught, another time unseen for arlecchino who knows this deep longing would stay with her forever.
she won't show her face to the one woman who has started to find a place within her dreams now, the tears and the cries to let her live. the fear which remains on arlecchino's mind, too. a part of her enjoyed that, that wicked part of herself that might never fade away as it finds glee and enjoyment in death around it. that urge to cause it or watch, which is fought down strongly with each click of her dagger stilettos filling the air. she's attempting to leave the backstage area before someone notices, or perhaps she knows nobody would notice. she's rather excellent for an intimidating woman at blending in despite herself.
or despite those cursed, gnarled, and twisted hands of hers when she realizes something did seem off. off enough that arlecchino pauses at eyes on the back of her head, one which she turns to look behind her and....
[ Once the foretold prophecy had come and failed to pass? Things seemed like they had fallen into something much more normal, if not more peaceful.
Days were much happier now that life had sought to reward her with something so kind as a vision, and people loved her performances. It had a new life to them with her past behind her and there was a renewed joy in something she'd almost completely forsaken due to her own fears and trauma.
It wasn't at all hard to miss the gifts left outside her dressing room, always anonymous but it was extremely obvious that there was much care put into each thing left. From sweets to cutely crafted plushies that always felt so undeniably soft to the touch. Yet nobody could seem to tell her who left these things, and it began to gnaw at Furina in a way she couldn't explain. At some point she'd decided she would take it upon herself to try and find out who this mystery person was, deciding most certainly to take the stage as usual.
Most impressively, the people couldn't tell her mind was elsewhere during her performance this time. She still put everything into her performance, and the raucous applause always warmed her heart.
The former archon who once reveled in such admiration.
A young woman who never knew the sweet touch of real, genuine love.
Furina stretched her arms above her head, exhaling a soft sigh and closing her eyes when she'd heard it. The telltale sounds of footsteps now leaving her dressing room, causing her to nearly trip over her own feet amidst her haste to now follow this mystery person before they completely vanished from sight again. She didn't even care if she was caught, today she was getting to the bottom of this for good!
Steps were quick, the sound of her shoes almost unheard against the soft clamor of the backstage that always seemed entirely present.
Rounding a corner, that's when she saw them. Someone who once struck fear and dread into her heart. A woman who carried this authorative air about her. This realization had her eyes widening, breath catching in her throat as her arms fell to her sides but there was no backing out of this now. Not when those eyes turn to look at her and for a moment she couldn't even make herself move. ]
...I-It's you. You're... have you been the one leaving all of those things... for me?
[ That's all she could utter out despite all her usual grandeur and bravado.
In her heart she knew that feeling this fear wasn't necessary. Not when there... almost seemed to be a peculiar loneliness about the harbinger who stood before her. Impossible. How had she not noticed that before..? Maybe it was all just in her head in this moment. ]
(no, there was no backing out of this. arlecchino knows, doesn't she? she is no coward, but the idea that she was caught is the biggest surprise. the red crosses of those black and almost bottomless eyes near glow from that. glimmer brightly, only to fade to nothing except their usual. not a sign of what she may or may not be feeling. there's plenty of emotions that run through her, through her down to that blackened soul she has. that heart which she would often say is not fit for anything more than death at it's fullest.
so much of herself has been lost. what could have been had things been different, but she is not in the business of what-if's and now is not the time for that. that time in which she thinks about how to answer. does she admit it? could she?
that loneliness does exist, it's always existed past a point that is and would always be untouchable by those sane enough to avoid her. she's too dangerous, as they often declare. she isn't fit to be around for the sake of one's life remaining. that authoritative air, almost oppressive enough to cut with a knife in how thick it is, stays. she's graceful enough to manage herself, to not allow weaknesses to be seen in how she frowns. how she intends to lie for both their sakes.
she shouldn't.
furina didn't deserve the trouble that would come from this, that would haunt her more than arlecchino's face might ever during the evening.)
....I'm not sure what you are talking about, Miss Furina.
(she's lying through her teeth, it's clear she is. who else would study like this to learn what someone likes, their favorites on terms of plushies, food, and sweets? arlecchino would. she already has from their time spent around one another to a more mild point. there's nothing around to suggest otherwise, neuvillette would be more direct had it been him. that is, if the man understood what the meaning of leaving such sweet gifts may ever mean. his heart is different from a human's, then again, arlecchino's own can hardly be considered human at times knowing the things she does.
those cursed hands are stained in more blood than most may ever know, the black of them around her clawed fingers soon tapping along her arms once she crosses them. her fingertips are careful about it to not knick them into that jacket she wears, funny how she doesn't wear more than the severe white suit while fontaine is in the middle of winter. or perhaps she doesn't notice the cold, anything worn is more a formality than arlecchino doing it as a means of staving off frigid air or terrible weather that can make her ill.)
Perhaps it was someone else, I hardly can say much on that.
(her heart, it stings as she lies. tightens, knows truly that she's going against it. as always, the knave would ignore it, she has no need of it. no need of this sweetness, this gentle wish of tender caresses and lips against another. like soft embraces that she may never deserve, like the way her mind knows it so in how much more would be destroyed in her presence.
she's only fortunate that she hadn't lost further than that, knowing that....no, she shouldn't think about her younger years again.
it wouldn't change, not how she stares. much less the way she knows she doesn't deserve to be forgiven, she chose this to avoid furina demanding the knave stop. because arlecchino can presume that she would have been turned away had her name been on those packages. sweet desserts and more.)
[ Barely even a second has passed before she swallowed past the lump in her throat and shook her head. Her heart pounds in her chest, remembering the care taken in each gift, or how the gifter had never left their name.
It wasn't done out of intimidation. No. Absolutely not.
Furina's hands balled into fists despite herself, holding herself as tall as she could muster. Again that odd sense of loneliness prevailed but she pushed it aside in order to allow herself the strength to be able to speak up. ]
Surely you do not expect me to believe such a bold faced lie?
[ Day after day she'd wondered to herself what kind of person her secret admirer was and had wanted desperately to thank them for their support. It was the whole reason she had made up her mind today to find out this individual's identity, a strange sensation clutching at her chest in a way that she couldn't put into words. ]
The... anonymity? Not showing their face? Nobody could tell me who left these gifts for me full of care a-and... consideration.
[ Furina stepped forwards, one hand clutched tight to her chest now with the heat of desperation spurring her onwards. She already knew very well that if The Knave wanted to cause her serious harm or end her life... that it could be done VERY easily. Yet she'd been given such sweet things that always made her smile each and every time she recalled the taste, or how it felt to hold those plushies tight as she fell asleep every night.
She'd always felt safe with them. Like nothing could harm her while she held onto them. ]
...Did you... think I would have turned them away knowing it was you they came from?
[ The words all tumbled out in a rush, freezing up a touch in fear she had overstepped a boundary of the woman before her. All she wanted was answers and an explanation... but she wasn't mad about this. ]
(seeing as how she didn't believe it, that comes as no surprise. arlecchino was the only one there. the only other person in this hallway with furina, lying was child's play for her against that feeling in her heart. she didn't do this to intimidate, she didn't wish death upon furina as surprising as this could be knowing how she caused that misunderstanding previously. the knave finds herself cornered, not for long, knowing her. her heart aches and craves for her to let loose this truth in it, but she refuses to do such a thing, regardless of how arlecchino feels that desire. she knows it too well.
the knave who once in childhood fancy came close to confessions, of promises she wishes once she made instead of breaking others. there is nothing she can do to get out of this, furina knows. not even hiring someone or saying they were from the children would be plausible. they wouldn't devote themselves the way that the knave had. how this damnable feeling is piercing, growing at the sight of her desperation, and arlecchino for a change speechless.
she saw through her. for once in the knave's lonesome longing, furina had seen through it. that she did this to avoid being caught for that reason.)
Let us say that I did leave them, that if my name was left on them, would you have demanded they be taken back? I have no reason to presume that you wouldn't, Mademoiselle.
(that is true knowing arlecchino had been a source of nightmares for furina, the knave has common sense. common sense for a lone devil that almost seems to be chasing something more from a princess that deserves much better, or a prince that does were that to strike furina's fancy more. arlecchino would not mind using or saying either, but there is only one thing that fits the knave. that would be the devilish villain, the one in this tale they're crafting that should never seek more than what she has.
this couldn't be anything more than a longing, a wish. if she desires more, the world would rip it from her, as it's always done the knave. arlecchino does not ever doubt this. heaven above would smite her before it allows anything further than what she's carved out alone for herself in the children, in the way she brought changes for their sake despite knowing that she hardly helps this cycle they're trapped in. she is still a harbinger, fatui, they are expected to do similar to her with putting their lives at risk.)
Or are you trying to say that my presumptions that you would, in fact, be afraid of me are false? I do recall that you would avoid me.
(without the presence of the iudex, that is. or the traveler. arlecchino is no fool, she can tell whenever someone is scared of her. she feels no fear beyond furina freezing up before her, the tumble of words had been clear. it does little to change, however, that she knew better than to also say that she could deliver such things without consequences for it. such as for example: being removed from the premises, banned, or the gifts being sent directly back to the house of the hearth within the walls of fontaine.
the sting grows, no matter her harsh tone, she must seem pitiful. the lone devil, the lone villain on their stage and rightfully trying to keep her distance. she has no right to it. she tells herself this constantly, she shouldn't dream of furina past that fear. it's too much, she understands not the reason why she can't make her leave her mind, but it felt so overwhelming. like a respite that she might never have had.)
I am not a fool to believe you would welcome it, were it me.
[ It took every shred of self confidence she had in her small frame to not back off when the other woman spoke up. Her voice cut like a sharp blade and Furina had to remind herself that it was just her old trauma speaking.
Things were certainly NOT the same as it had been in the past. Everything had been resolved so this shouldn't be so hard.
Sure, in the past she'd had nightmares of that one fateful evening. Woke up in the middle of the night crying while drenched in cold sweat with nobody to confide in... but things weren't that way anymore. She could do this.
You can do this, Furina!
While doing her best to straighten herself, she then exhaled a soft breath while setting her jaw in a firm line while then making to put both hands on her hips. Time to use a little of her acting skills.. but only a little. It wasn't as if she was going to push herself to do something she didn't want to. ]
You are very much mistaken! I simply would have just made the move to speak to you sooner!
[ In the back of her mind, the more rational thing would be to just run away from this. To have someone else handle it or send the woman away but... she also didn't quite have it in her right now. ]
Things can change, my dear Knave! The past is truly behind us so why can't we go ahead and make a new, better future?
[ Spoken with the airs she had put on while playing the role of Fontaine's archon, but there was a genuine determination shining in her eyes. Lingering in the past wasn't healthy... she had learnt that much through her varied experiences, so perhaps it was time to move on, right?
The Traveler would agree. Infact it had been them who had helped her when she'd turned her gaze away from those in need due to her own pain.
Which had her now managing to put on a smile as the tension lessened slightly from her shoulders, though some of the grandeur dimmed her overall dramatics. Showing how she really felt underneath. There could be something said for the fact she hadn't run away or left this situation, wanting to be genuine as surely there was more to the deadly Knave than the dangerous woman who was a harbinger.
Someone who had acted when she had stilled. Been afraid to do anything in fear people would find out the truth. How was she supposed to still hold that against her? ]
(would she? there were times arlecchino had thought about hiding in the crowd, quietly and disappearing as she's always done. not letting herself be found with the idea in her head that she ought to avoid overstaying her welcome. would it still count now between them, with faint glimmers of sweet dreams that desire a mind which constantly fights against itself to rest? because that is and how she's always been, fighting her own mind. her own heart. against what would be horrible for any poor soul involved, knowing that she's put herself through such hell.
that is what she's always done by depriving herself of what would be something so basic, so human to most knowing she may never rest soundly. she wouldn't ever see the day that the violent imagery of her deepest dreams might disappear.
but, for a moment....she wants to believe in how thoughtful she looks. the faint glow of red in her wicked pupils, almost like she wonders if she should. arlecchino is many things, and she knows truly were this to happen, it may bring them both more pain. pain which both sides has dealt with enough of. the knave has gone through plenty, but furina has suffered more than that in her centuries of living as another thought on her mind.
after a little more of her thinking, she sighs. it sounds deeper than usual with a frown on those rosy lips. another part of her usual, too. whatever shall she do? would furina even back down? no. she doubts that, this girl has proven her stubborn streak can be an asset whenever she deems it necessary to use that against anyone.)
I apologize, but I would think it best that I am not sought out any further. There is a cost one must pay in life for most things, and I am certain that it would do more harm than good were you to go deeper.
(yes, that's better to say. careful and calm. a warning, one she means in how those odd pupils glow. almost like the spider is carefully circling what it thinks is prey. or does this sound more cruel for herself? that's up for interpretation. it doesn't mean she would stop furina from trying were she to mean that, but she would give this as her only warning until whatever day comes which would show her what a terrible idea that is.
that's how it should be, for someone like her.)
However, I will not stop you if you decide to against my warning.
(because giving her a fair chance to make her decision with is better, she would see as others had what sort of mistake this will be. not a soul could dare pierce that ill omen which hangs heavily on her shoulders. a burden in which many might have gone mad from, and madder yet in an insanity driven by losing what could be their one and only. be it family, friends, or something more than that. arlecchino does, however, say nothing more on the gifts.
she might just as easily stop sending them after tonight, no matter the outcome. to keep some form of distance as a means of providing safety from how she is. no matter how mundane she can be, she's still a devil and a spider prowling this world. like that one she attempted to raise until it passed away.)
It felt with those words that The Knave was trying to put distance between them, but there was this weird, gnawing feeling that told her she shouldn't just let things slide with this. She was more than well aware with that chill creeping up her spine that it was clearly a warning that had been told to her.
For someone who ran essentially an orphanage, she couldn't fathom that someone would keep pushing others away. Furina's heart ached in a strange way she entirely could not put into words, shoulders falling slightly and perhaps that was exactly why a soft laugh escaped her before she could think twice.
Something less grand and almost unsure as some of her act slipped away. ]
...Come ON now. Surely you should know how stubborn I can be.
[ She absolutely knew that she should not be here in the Fontaine of today, outliving the normal life span of humans and now happening to be one herself completely. No prophecy of people being dissolved. No false acts to uphold. ]
J'en suis tout Γ fait conscient, merci.
[ A pause lingers and Furina looked down, mind racing as some part of her screams at her to stop but she'd come this far and backing out now was absolutely non negotiable. Her fingers tightened against her hips for a moment, then both arms raised upward almost self consciously to wrap around herself as she debated heavily on if it was a smart idea to say what was still on her mind.
Is this really the smart thing to do here? What if this gets me killed? ]
I never really see you with anyone else and you're on your own a lot. Isn't... Isn't that lonely?
(it'd be easier were arlecchino able to maintain it, she does this by choice for both their sakes. if she allowed that sweetness, it'd ruin her. the moment she loses every drop of what this promises, she'd be doomed further. no salvation, nothing could make her feel that way again if it happens. there's nothing that could stop them both from falling to pieces from what little grasp that the knave has on this feeling, but this is only an assumption on her part and nothing more.
her attempts at pushing others back from getting further has always been more for them, not for herself. furina is indeed stubborn, that way she finds herself being stared at is what causes the knave to look away once furina stares down. she's thinking. could it ever be worth it, worth that pain she would be signing them up for? she's not all that certain as the words ring in her ears briefly. it is lonely. painful, maddening, and tearing her apart as the knave denies herself and deprives herself of everything before her.
that light should never be hers again, not even as that memory of clervie's voice stays. if furina wants to risk her life, that's her decision. arlecchino had warned her and that was a grace given knowing she is still dangerous to get close to. what a tricky dilemma, one she did attempt to steer the other woman clear of.
since furina chose this much, it's only fair to acknowledge that.)
I know that too well, why else would I say that I wouldn't stop you, Miss Furina?
(the knave has done everything in her own power to ensure things were done smoothly for a reason during that prophecy. she was not there only to obtain the gnosis, arlecchino had more reasons behind her actions. fostering goodwill unlike her compatriots was a necessity. any good diplomat knows better than to leave in terrible standing, taking great strides to improve their relationship with all of tevyat is a must while ensuring no secrets are let out.
this is always something arlecchino would do while ensuring others do not take this as an excuse to use her, use others to their advantage in whatever games she plays that should not be on the board.)
Are you calling me lonely?
(no, she is lonely. that's been unquestionable. from her lone walks into the forest to her standing on the beach quietly, watching waves flutter by in silence. sitting along the shore, or perhaps standing in ankle deep water while overlooking what had been her "home". no matter this cursed blood, this country is her home.
or was one of them before, this can't be denied, either.)
[ Fingers clenched tighter - oh so slightly - against her arms while waiting for an answer. For an action.
Half of her partially expected to be lashed out at, but then again... trying to read The Knave was almost impossible at times. She was at odds trying to discern just exactly the intentions here this whole time was, leaving gifts in secret while staying anonymous with the concern that they would be returned if she found out who it had been.
Maybe that was why Furina continued to stand her ground and continued to look right at the other woman even as she averted her gaze. No, she wouldn't avert her gaze again. Not like she had for years in the past.
Sure. Furina did have her share of admirers and friends but it wasn't quite enough to fill that emptiness in her chest that she yearned for. Something she was never allowed to have for over 500 years due to the role she played in preserving all of Fontaine, so if anyone understand how painful it was to be alone in the world?
She did.
A soft huff escaped her, followed by an attempt at a smile because again, she wanted to smooth things out. There was no need to have any ill will or continuing to let old trauma dictate how she felt. ]
I believe I was, yes. I'm not sure what else you think it is I could be implying here.
[ Okay so she couldn't completely give up her childish tendencies at times, but it was just the way she was. Being lonely was not a nice feeling and she couldn't fathom why anyone would just keep choosing to do that to themselves. ]
Now. I'd like to have cake and tea with you, but we certainly can't do that out here, can we?
(there was no lashing out (truly, arlecchino is careful about that) since there was no need for verbal barbs. she's good at cutting deep with her words when she has to. that is one fact about the knave that would remain accurate while she has to wonder how obvious this must be, it can't be that apparent she's lonely, is it? no, if someone like furina can read that, it must be. maybe not to other people, there's not many who might read beyond the surface about the knave. the knave who was unpredictable and prone to the impossible, with ensuring that nobody would reach too deep against those cards she holds close.
she had her reasons for hiding those gifts, consideration for the fact that she knew she did more harm than good. arlecchino did assist the others, this was true. she did everything she felt necessary for those children that she calls her sons and daughters. they deserve their own home, their own place to rest their heads at, where they may never be faced with the horrors she grew up with. horrors that shaped and changed her further. sculpted her into this impossible woman of many mysteries and more underneath the surface. a daughter of khaenri'ah, but she would not call herself this.
cake and tea, like before during those tense meetings of theirs where furina would rather hide behind the traveler or neuvilette? it's not what she expected. arlecchino can consider that a slight surprise for this evening (aside from her being read for a change) from the way that she spoke. while furina had surrounded herself in many, arlecchino was....alone. she did not allow herself to let anyone that close. pierro did warn her that her own curse may never leave her. as with all of their fallen dynasties; arlecchino is more fortunate that she was even born.
or perhaps, not so fortunate. she is, by all counts, an ill omen on this world. an enigma that shouldn't exist while controlling her own stage. maybe even worse than a simple ill omen as well, frightening for those who would never understand her to learn or grasp. maybe even the same in practice when it comes to those that do understand the knave.
if anyone could, in reality.
it's not as though arlecchino has anything to lose in trying, she's already considered stopping her gifts. there is no point in bothering her further were this to not be as helpful as thought. the proverbial olive branch that is extended between them, that is. she would prefer to not allow it to be forced were furina not ready as a small consolation for their awkward standing.)
....I suppose that I do have time.
(time that was often spent not sleeping for long, a restful slumber is something that often is rejected by her body. her cursed body and her wretched mind when something particularly violent starts to gnaw at the thoughts she uses to avoid falling into that trap.)
[ It was absolutely hard to deny the absolute delight that showed on her face once she managed to get the Knave to agree to come and join her.
Such a simplicity but that was a bit of a blessing in her eyes. She wasn't entirely sure she could have pushed much more without coming off too much or anything of the sort, but that was a thought for another time as Furina beamed proudly at her little accomplishment. ]
Naturally~!
[ She relaxed, hands coming up to clap together joyfully with her usual flair. Even turning on her heel in the direction of her dressing room without a second thought. ]
If you'll give me a moment to gather a few things, we can set off right away!
[ With that said, Furina hurried off to her dressing room quickly as she didn't want to risk letting the other woman try to sneak off or anything of the sort.
She gathered up the newest gifts that had been left for her, holding them carefully before hurrying back as leaving them there would just be a faux pas. This was a time where she absolutely was at war with herself, screeching on the inside because there was SO much about this that could go really, really bad... but then there was the other half logically telling her this was fine and getting to know the other woman without certain stakes hanging above their heads was a fantastique idea! ]
(simplicity can be a blessing, to see someone light up as if given a treat of their own. something that they never had in their hands before, while the knave would quietly watch on. furina seems pleased with herself, that is something of a difference.
that may, however, do little for the thoughts and doubts within the other woman. she doesn't bring it up, arlecchino won't for the time being unless it became more evident her presence was doing little. she had one that can control a room, garner attention by captivating them in a mystery which frightens or entices. sometimes, both would apply to those brave enough to face her themselves.
furina's home, then. that is their next destination, while the knave idly wonders to herself if she still should be doing this. perhaps she could choose to avoid gifts again. take her time alone and carry on, there's nothing to suggest this would be a wonderful idea. that surely, arlecchino is risking more by staying whenever she knows that she is in some ways an ill omen.
for that reason, she'll go along with her request. a question is on the tip of her tongue when furina brings up the need to pick up something. mainly about what it was, until arlecchino remembers she did just deliver a new set of things for the other woman to take home.
right, the gifts are what she meant.
while she waits, for the moment, that familiar pang exists. one which she would ignore for her own good. there can be a lot that might go wrong, but there is little to stop her from trying if furina wants that. whilst waiting on her return, the knave goes over in her head if she does refrain from stopping....would it be easier to deliver things to her doorstep? she likely could. that does provide a bit more of a relaxed atmosphere to take that approach.
she'll figure out this later when furina returns, straightening out from her lean against the wall. arms uncrossing and attention (as frightening as her eyes are) back on furina. those unnatural pupils of hers almost glow again at the sight of her.)
[ Thoughts haven't stopped racing around in her head about if this was still a good idea or not, but they're easily enough squashed through pure stubborn will.
Her heart leapt into her throat when those eyes fully locked back onto her, but surely the glowy thing was just in her mind, right? Of course it had to be. Why else would they have done that? Fingers curled a tiny bit tighter around the bundle of gifts but Furina just nodded and began heading in the direction of the exit.
Of course she caught some concerned looks from a few people who passed by, but she just kept her smile as to try and assure them that this was okay. Nothing weird was going on or anything like that. Just bringing a Fatui Harbinger into her personal home... which was probably not meant for proper company and an existential dread filled her that had nothing to do with the other woman here with her.
Not entirely anyway. ]
Oh! I... hope you don't mind that my place isn't quite... ah... properly suited for guests or anything. It's a bit of a mess since I was in a hurry to leave for the performance today.
[ Yet now that she thought about it? This would be the actual first time she'd brought a guest home to her little home, suddenly feeling entirely self conscious of the state of what it would look like to someone as composed and put together as The Knave was.
What if she thinks i'm... a SLOB? No. I can't think like that. She's smart and wouldn't just assume such things from a one time appearance!]
I also have come to the dreadful realization I don't believe I actually know your name beyond just The Knave. I'd hate to keep calling you that all the time, you know?
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sinsparadox2025-01-12 03:39 am
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or perhaps, she has more to do than little and simple things. maybe she might be putting it off, her departure that is, that's the hardest thing to tell. she did make a promise to monsieur neuvillette that she would no longer interfere with affairs there, that she would no longer carry out special operations. yet, there's a part of her that does not wish to leave just yet. a longing in that flame-cursed blood she carries, the heat of it strong and threatening to engulf her (if allowed) and those unfortunate to be on the receiving end of it. this flame would consume until nothing remains but ashes.
it does little to stop her longing, though. that idea that she could feel something beyond the nightmares and those dreams of others she once knew. the voices whispering as they make intrusive demands, desires, wants of their own. something as sweet as what she found herself imagining is not fit for her. it'd only be a burden upon her that she could never live without again. tonight was another night that would be no different than the others. what was left outside the dressing room this time was another gift, another set of them picked out in tender care before the knave left. another time not caught, another time unseen for arlecchino who knows this deep longing would stay with her forever.
she won't show her face to the one woman who has started to find a place within her dreams now, the tears and the cries to let her live. the fear which remains on arlecchino's mind, too. a part of her enjoyed that, that wicked part of herself that might never fade away as it finds glee and enjoyment in death around it. that urge to cause it or watch, which is fought down strongly with each click of her dagger stilettos filling the air. she's attempting to leave the backstage area before someone notices, or perhaps she knows nobody would notice. she's rather excellent for an intimidating woman at blending in despite herself.
or despite those cursed, gnarled, and twisted hands of hers when she realizes something did seem off. off enough that arlecchino pauses at eyes on the back of her head, one which she turns to look behind her and....
oh.)
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Days were much happier now that life had sought to reward her with something so kind as a vision, and people loved her performances. It had a new life to them with her past behind her and there was a renewed joy in something she'd almost completely forsaken due to her own fears and trauma.
It wasn't at all hard to miss the gifts left outside her dressing room, always anonymous but it was extremely obvious that there was much care put into each thing left. From sweets to cutely crafted plushies that always felt so undeniably soft to the touch. Yet nobody could seem to tell her who left these things, and it began to gnaw at Furina in a way she couldn't explain. At some point she'd decided she would take it upon herself to try and find out who this mystery person was, deciding most certainly to take the stage as usual.
Most impressively, the people couldn't tell her mind was elsewhere during her performance this time. She still put everything into her performance, and the raucous applause always warmed her heart.
The former archon who once reveled in such admiration.
A young woman who never knew the sweet touch of real, genuine love.
Furina stretched her arms above her head, exhaling a soft sigh and closing her eyes when she'd heard it. The telltale sounds of footsteps now leaving her dressing room, causing her to nearly trip over her own feet amidst her haste to now follow this mystery person before they completely vanished from sight again. She didn't even care if she was caught, today she was getting to the bottom of this for good!
Steps were quick, the sound of her shoes almost unheard against the soft clamor of the backstage that always seemed entirely present.
Rounding a corner, that's when she saw them. Someone who once struck fear and dread into her heart. A woman who carried this authorative air about her. This realization had her eyes widening, breath catching in her throat as her arms fell to her sides but there was no backing out of this now. Not when those eyes turn to look at her and for a moment she couldn't even make herself move. ]
...I-It's you. You're... have you been the one leaving all of those things... for me?
[ That's all she could utter out despite all her usual grandeur and bravado.
In her heart she knew that feeling this fear wasn't necessary. Not when there... almost seemed to be a peculiar loneliness about the harbinger who stood before her. Impossible. How had she not noticed that before..? Maybe it was all just in her head in this moment. ]
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so much of herself has been lost. what could have been had things been different, but she is not in the business of what-if's and now is not the time for that. that time in which she thinks about how to answer. does she admit it? could she?
that loneliness does exist, it's always existed past a point that is and would always be untouchable by those sane enough to avoid her. she's too dangerous, as they often declare. she isn't fit to be around for the sake of one's life remaining. that authoritative air, almost oppressive enough to cut with a knife in how thick it is, stays. she's graceful enough to manage herself, to not allow weaknesses to be seen in how she frowns. how she intends to lie for both their sakes.
she shouldn't.
furina didn't deserve the trouble that would come from this, that would haunt her more than arlecchino's face might ever during the evening.)
....I'm not sure what you are talking about, Miss Furina.
(she's lying through her teeth, it's clear she is. who else would study like this to learn what someone likes, their favorites on terms of plushies, food, and sweets? arlecchino would. she already has from their time spent around one another to a more mild point. there's nothing around to suggest otherwise, neuvillette would be more direct had it been him. that is, if the man understood what the meaning of leaving such sweet gifts may ever mean. his heart is different from a human's, then again, arlecchino's own can hardly be considered human at times knowing the things she does.
those cursed hands are stained in more blood than most may ever know, the black of them around her clawed fingers soon tapping along her arms once she crosses them. her fingertips are careful about it to not knick them into that jacket she wears, funny how she doesn't wear more than the severe white suit while fontaine is in the middle of winter. or perhaps she doesn't notice the cold, anything worn is more a formality than arlecchino doing it as a means of staving off frigid air or terrible weather that can make her ill.)
Perhaps it was someone else, I hardly can say much on that.
(her heart, it stings as she lies. tightens, knows truly that she's going against it. as always, the knave would ignore it, she has no need of it. no need of this sweetness, this gentle wish of tender caresses and lips against another. like soft embraces that she may never deserve, like the way her mind knows it so in how much more would be destroyed in her presence.
she's only fortunate that she hadn't lost further than that, knowing that....no, she shouldn't think about her younger years again.
it wouldn't change, not how she stares. much less the way she knows she doesn't deserve to be forgiven, she chose this to avoid furina demanding the knave stop. because arlecchino can presume that she would have been turned away had her name been on those packages. sweet desserts and more.)
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It wasn't done out of intimidation. No. Absolutely not.
Furina's hands balled into fists despite herself, holding herself as tall as she could muster. Again that odd sense of loneliness prevailed but she pushed it aside in order to allow herself the strength to be able to speak up. ]
Surely you do not expect me to believe such a bold faced lie?
[ Day after day she'd wondered to herself what kind of person her secret admirer was and had wanted desperately to thank them for their support. It was the whole reason she had made up her mind today to find out this individual's identity, a strange sensation clutching at her chest in a way that she couldn't put into words. ]
The... anonymity? Not showing their face? Nobody could tell me who left these gifts for me full of care a-and... consideration.
[ Furina stepped forwards, one hand clutched tight to her chest now with the heat of desperation spurring her onwards. She already knew very well that if The Knave wanted to cause her serious harm or end her life... that it could be done VERY easily. Yet she'd been given such sweet things that always made her smile each and every time she recalled the taste, or how it felt to hold those plushies tight as she fell asleep every night.
She'd always felt safe with them. Like nothing could harm her while she held onto them. ]
...Did you... think I would have turned them away knowing it was you they came from?
[ The words all tumbled out in a rush, freezing up a touch in fear she had overstepped a boundary of the woman before her. All she wanted was answers and an explanation... but she wasn't mad about this. ]
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the knave who once in childhood fancy came close to confessions, of promises she wishes once she made instead of breaking others. there is nothing she can do to get out of this, furina knows. not even hiring someone or saying they were from the children would be plausible. they wouldn't devote themselves the way that the knave had. how this damnable feeling is piercing, growing at the sight of her desperation, and arlecchino for a change speechless.
she saw through her. for once in the knave's lonesome longing, furina had seen through it. that she did this to avoid being caught for that reason.)
Let us say that I did leave them, that if my name was left on them, would you have demanded they be taken back? I have no reason to presume that you wouldn't, Mademoiselle.
(that is true knowing arlecchino had been a source of nightmares for furina, the knave has common sense. common sense for a lone devil that almost seems to be chasing something more from a princess that deserves much better, or a prince that does were that to strike furina's fancy more. arlecchino would not mind using or saying either, but there is only one thing that fits the knave. that would be the devilish villain, the one in this tale they're crafting that should never seek more than what she has.
this couldn't be anything more than a longing, a wish. if she desires more, the world would rip it from her, as it's always done the knave. arlecchino does not ever doubt this. heaven above would smite her before it allows anything further than what she's carved out alone for herself in the children, in the way she brought changes for their sake despite knowing that she hardly helps this cycle they're trapped in. she is still a harbinger, fatui, they are expected to do similar to her with putting their lives at risk.)
Or are you trying to say that my presumptions that you would, in fact, be afraid of me are false? I do recall that you would avoid me.
(without the presence of the iudex, that is. or the traveler. arlecchino is no fool, she can tell whenever someone is scared of her. she feels no fear beyond furina freezing up before her, the tumble of words had been clear. it does little to change, however, that she knew better than to also say that she could deliver such things without consequences for it. such as for example: being removed from the premises, banned, or the gifts being sent directly back to the house of the hearth within the walls of fontaine.
the sting grows, no matter her harsh tone, she must seem pitiful. the lone devil, the lone villain on their stage and rightfully trying to keep her distance. she has no right to it. she tells herself this constantly, she shouldn't dream of furina past that fear. it's too much, she understands not the reason why she can't make her leave her mind, but it felt so overwhelming. like a respite that she might never have had.)
I am not a fool to believe you would welcome it, were it me.
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Things were certainly NOT the same as it had been in the past. Everything had been resolved so this shouldn't be so hard.
Sure, in the past she'd had nightmares of that one fateful evening. Woke up in the middle of the night crying while drenched in cold sweat with nobody to confide in... but things weren't that way anymore. She could do this.
You can do this, Furina!
While doing her best to straighten herself, she then exhaled a soft breath while setting her jaw in a firm line while then making to put both hands on her hips. Time to use a little of her acting skills.. but only a little. It wasn't as if she was going to push herself to do something she didn't want to. ]
You are very much mistaken! I simply would have just made the move to speak to you sooner!
[ In the back of her mind, the more rational thing would be to just run away from this. To have someone else handle it or send the woman away but... she also didn't quite have it in her right now. ]
Things can change, my dear Knave! The past is truly behind us so why can't we go ahead and make a new, better future?
[ Spoken with the airs she had put on while playing the role of Fontaine's archon, but there was a genuine determination shining in her eyes. Lingering in the past wasn't healthy... she had learnt that much through her varied experiences, so perhaps it was time to move on, right?
The Traveler would agree. Infact it had been them who had helped her when she'd turned her gaze away from those in need due to her own pain.
Which had her now managing to put on a smile as the tension lessened slightly from her shoulders, though some of the grandeur dimmed her overall dramatics. Showing how she really felt underneath. There could be something said for the fact she hadn't run away or left this situation, wanting to be genuine as surely there was more to the deadly Knave than the dangerous woman who was a harbinger.
Someone who had acted when she had stilled. Been afraid to do anything in fear people would find out the truth. How was she supposed to still hold that against her? ]
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that is what she's always done by depriving herself of what would be something so basic, so human to most knowing she may never rest soundly. she wouldn't ever see the day that the violent imagery of her deepest dreams might disappear.
but, for a moment....she wants to believe in how thoughtful she looks. the faint glow of red in her wicked pupils, almost like she wonders if she should. arlecchino is many things, and she knows truly were this to happen, it may bring them both more pain. pain which both sides has dealt with enough of. the knave has gone through plenty, but furina has suffered more than that in her centuries of living as another thought on her mind.
after a little more of her thinking, she sighs. it sounds deeper than usual with a frown on those rosy lips. another part of her usual, too. whatever shall she do? would furina even back down? no. she doubts that, this girl has proven her stubborn streak can be an asset whenever she deems it necessary to use that against anyone.)
I apologize, but I would think it best that I am not sought out any further. There is a cost one must pay in life for most things, and I am certain that it would do more harm than good were you to go deeper.
(yes, that's better to say. careful and calm. a warning, one she means in how those odd pupils glow. almost like the spider is carefully circling what it thinks is prey. or does this sound more cruel for herself? that's up for interpretation. it doesn't mean she would stop furina from trying were she to mean that, but she would give this as her only warning until whatever day comes which would show her what a terrible idea that is.
that's how it should be, for someone like her.)
However, I will not stop you if you decide to against my warning.
(because giving her a fair chance to make her decision with is better, she would see as others had what sort of mistake this will be. not a soul could dare pierce that ill omen which hangs heavily on her shoulders. a burden in which many might have gone mad from, and madder yet in an insanity driven by losing what could be their one and only. be it family, friends, or something more than that. arlecchino does, however, say nothing more on the gifts.
she might just as easily stop sending them after tonight, no matter the outcome. to keep some form of distance as a means of providing safety from how she is. no matter how mundane she can be, she's still a devil and a spider prowling this world. like that one she attempted to raise until it passed away.)
C'est votre choix si vous dΓ©cidez de ne pas le garder Γ l'esprit.
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It felt with those words that The Knave was trying to put distance between them, but there was this weird, gnawing feeling that told her she shouldn't just let things slide with this. She was more than well aware with that chill creeping up her spine that it was clearly a warning that had been told to her.
For someone who ran essentially an orphanage, she couldn't fathom that someone would keep pushing others away. Furina's heart ached in a strange way she entirely could not put into words, shoulders falling slightly and perhaps that was exactly why a soft laugh escaped her before she could think twice.
Something less grand and almost unsure as some of her act slipped away. ]
...Come ON now. Surely you should know how stubborn I can be.
[ She absolutely knew that she should not be here in the Fontaine of today, outliving the normal life span of humans and now happening to be one herself completely. No prophecy of people being dissolved. No false acts to uphold. ]
J'en suis tout Γ fait conscient, merci.
[ A pause lingers and Furina looked down, mind racing as some part of her screams at her to stop but she'd come this far and backing out now was absolutely non negotiable. Her fingers tightened against her hips for a moment, then both arms raised upward almost self consciously to wrap around herself as she debated heavily on if it was a smart idea to say what was still on her mind.
Is this really the smart thing to do here? What if this gets me killed? ]
I never really see you with anyone else and you're on your own a lot. Isn't... Isn't that lonely?
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her attempts at pushing others back from getting further has always been more for them, not for herself. furina is indeed stubborn, that way she finds herself being stared at is what causes the knave to look away once furina stares down. she's thinking. could it ever be worth it, worth that pain she would be signing them up for? she's not all that certain as the words ring in her ears briefly. it is lonely. painful, maddening, and tearing her apart as the knave denies herself and deprives herself of everything before her.
that light should never be hers again, not even as that memory of clervie's voice stays. if furina wants to risk her life, that's her decision. arlecchino had warned her and that was a grace given knowing she is still dangerous to get close to. what a tricky dilemma, one she did attempt to steer the other woman clear of.
since furina chose this much, it's only fair to acknowledge that.)
I know that too well, why else would I say that I wouldn't stop you, Miss Furina?
(the knave has done everything in her own power to ensure things were done smoothly for a reason during that prophecy. she was not there only to obtain the gnosis, arlecchino had more reasons behind her actions. fostering goodwill unlike her compatriots was a necessity. any good diplomat knows better than to leave in terrible standing, taking great strides to improve their relationship with all of tevyat is a must while ensuring no secrets are let out.
this is always something arlecchino would do while ensuring others do not take this as an excuse to use her, use others to their advantage in whatever games she plays that should not be on the board.)
Are you calling me lonely?
(no, she is lonely. that's been unquestionable. from her lone walks into the forest to her standing on the beach quietly, watching waves flutter by in silence. sitting along the shore, or perhaps standing in ankle deep water while overlooking what had been her "home". no matter this cursed blood, this country is her home.
or was one of them before, this can't be denied, either.)
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Half of her partially expected to be lashed out at, but then again... trying to read The Knave was almost impossible at times. She was at odds trying to discern just exactly the intentions here this whole time was, leaving gifts in secret while staying anonymous with the concern that they would be returned if she found out who it had been.
Maybe that was why Furina continued to stand her ground and continued to look right at the other woman even as she averted her gaze. No, she wouldn't avert her gaze again. Not like she had for years in the past.
Sure. Furina did have her share of admirers and friends but it wasn't quite enough to fill that emptiness in her chest that she yearned for. Something she was never allowed to have for over 500 years due to the role she played in preserving all of Fontaine, so if anyone understand how painful it was to be alone in the world?
She did.
A soft huff escaped her, followed by an attempt at a smile because again, she wanted to smooth things out. There was no need to have any ill will or continuing to let old trauma dictate how she felt. ]
I believe I was, yes. I'm not sure what else you think it is I could be implying here.
[ Okay so she couldn't completely give up her childish tendencies at times, but it was just the way she was. Being lonely was not a nice feeling and she couldn't fathom why anyone would just keep choosing to do that to themselves. ]
Now. I'd like to have cake and tea with you, but we certainly can't do that out here, can we?
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she had her reasons for hiding those gifts, consideration for the fact that she knew she did more harm than good. arlecchino did assist the others, this was true. she did everything she felt necessary for those children that she calls her sons and daughters. they deserve their own home, their own place to rest their heads at, where they may never be faced with the horrors she grew up with. horrors that shaped and changed her further. sculpted her into this impossible woman of many mysteries and more underneath the surface. a daughter of khaenri'ah, but she would not call herself this.
cake and tea, like before during those tense meetings of theirs where furina would rather hide behind the traveler or neuvilette? it's not what she expected. arlecchino can consider that a slight surprise for this evening (aside from her being read for a change) from the way that she spoke. while furina had surrounded herself in many, arlecchino was....alone. she did not allow herself to let anyone that close. pierro did warn her that her own curse may never leave her. as with all of their fallen dynasties; arlecchino is more fortunate that she was even born.
or perhaps, not so fortunate. she is, by all counts, an ill omen on this world. an enigma that shouldn't exist while controlling her own stage. maybe even worse than a simple ill omen as well, frightening for those who would never understand her to learn or grasp. maybe even the same in practice when it comes to those that do understand the knave.
if anyone could, in reality.
it's not as though arlecchino has anything to lose in trying, she's already considered stopping her gifts. there is no point in bothering her further were this to not be as helpful as thought. the proverbial olive branch that is extended between them, that is. she would prefer to not allow it to be forced were furina not ready as a small consolation for their awkward standing.)
....I suppose that I do have time.
(time that was often spent not sleeping for long, a restful slumber is something that often is rejected by her body. her cursed body and her wretched mind when something particularly violent starts to gnaw at the thoughts she uses to avoid falling into that trap.)
To your place, then?
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Such a simplicity but that was a bit of a blessing in her eyes. She wasn't entirely sure she could have pushed much more without coming off too much or anything of the sort, but that was a thought for another time as Furina beamed proudly at her little accomplishment. ]
Naturally~!
[ She relaxed, hands coming up to clap together joyfully with her usual flair. Even turning on her heel in the direction of her dressing room without a second thought. ]
If you'll give me a moment to gather a few things, we can set off right away!
[ With that said, Furina hurried off to her dressing room quickly as she didn't want to risk letting the other woman try to sneak off or anything of the sort.
She gathered up the newest gifts that had been left for her, holding them carefully before hurrying back as leaving them there would just be a faux pas. This was a time where she absolutely was at war with herself, screeching on the inside because there was SO much about this that could go really, really bad... but then there was the other half logically telling her this was fine and getting to know the other woman without certain stakes hanging above their heads was a fantastique idea! ]
Right. So~! Shall we get going then~?
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that may, however, do little for the thoughts and doubts within the other woman. she doesn't bring it up, arlecchino won't for the time being unless it became more evident her presence was doing little. she had one that can control a room, garner attention by captivating them in a mystery which frightens or entices. sometimes, both would apply to those brave enough to face her themselves.
furina's home, then. that is their next destination, while the knave idly wonders to herself if she still should be doing this. perhaps she could choose to avoid gifts again. take her time alone and carry on, there's nothing to suggest this would be a wonderful idea. that surely, arlecchino is risking more by staying whenever she knows that she is in some ways an ill omen.
for that reason, she'll go along with her request. a question is on the tip of her tongue when furina brings up the need to pick up something. mainly about what it was, until arlecchino remembers she did just deliver a new set of things for the other woman to take home.
right, the gifts are what she meant.
while she waits, for the moment, that familiar pang exists. one which she would ignore for her own good. there can be a lot that might go wrong, but there is little to stop her from trying if furina wants that. whilst waiting on her return, the knave goes over in her head if she does refrain from stopping....would it be easier to deliver things to her doorstep? she likely could. that does provide a bit more of a relaxed atmosphere to take that approach.
she'll figure out this later when furina returns, straightening out from her lean against the wall. arms uncrossing and attention (as frightening as her eyes are) back on furina. those unnatural pupils of hers almost glow again at the sight of her.)
Lead the way then, Miss Furina.
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Her heart leapt into her throat when those eyes fully locked back onto her, but surely the glowy thing was just in her mind, right? Of course it had to be. Why else would they have done that? Fingers curled a tiny bit tighter around the bundle of gifts but Furina just nodded and began heading in the direction of the exit.
Of course she caught some concerned looks from a few people who passed by, but she just kept her smile as to try and assure them that this was okay. Nothing weird was going on or anything like that. Just bringing a Fatui Harbinger into her personal home... which was probably not meant for proper company and an existential dread filled her that had nothing to do with the other woman here with her.
Not entirely anyway. ]
Oh! I... hope you don't mind that my place isn't quite... ah... properly suited for guests or anything. It's a bit of a mess since I was in a hurry to leave for the performance today.
[ Yet now that she thought about it? This would be the actual first time she'd brought a guest home to her little home, suddenly feeling entirely self conscious of the state of what it would look like to someone as composed and put together as The Knave was.
What if she thinks i'm... a SLOB? No. I can't think like that. She's smart and wouldn't just assume such things from a one time appearance! ]
I also have come to the dreadful realization I don't believe I actually know your name beyond just The Knave. I'd hate to keep calling you that all the time, you know?